Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Ways to Entertain your Top While you Shop

Ways to keep your top entertained while u shop....

Disclaimer: To those tops out there that have to deal with the consequences of this list..... ..... Ranger made me do it! 

  1. Put five one pound bags of M&Ms on layaway.
  2. Go into dressing room and yell loudly "We're out of toilet paper in here!”
  3. Make a trail of grape juice into the bathrooms.
  4. Walk up to an employee and say in an official voice "We have a Code Three in housewares" and see what happens.
  5. Stand in the kitchen implement aisle and rate those implements that can be used for spanking. "OW, son, don't let mom buy that spoon. It's wicked!"
  6. Travel down the toy aisle pressing all the buttons and other body parts of the animals that make noise. Seeing a shelf of Elmos wiggling and laughing wildly will brighten ANYONE'S day.
  7. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why won't you people leave me alone."
  8. Use the security camera as a mirror while you pick your nose.
  9. Find the perfectly designed plastic ball rack and remove the one plastic ball that all others are balancing on.
  10. Set up a tent in the outdoors department and tell others they're only allowed in if they bring a pillow from the bedding department.
  11. While handling a gun in the hunting department, casually ask where the anti-depressants are located.
  12. Move the CAUTION WET FLOOR signs to areas that are carpeted.
  13. Dart around suspiciously while humming the tune from "Mission Impossible."
  14. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10-minute intervals.
  15. Randomly switch carts with different customers.
  16. When customers aren't looking, slide items into their cart, such as a box of condoms or feminine products.
  17. Take a "Mr. Microphone" from the toy aisle and hold on the spot in-store interviews or karaoke contests.
  18. Practice your Madonna look using different sized funnels from the auto department.
  19. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse, jiggle the hangers and whisper "Pick me, pick me!"
  20. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "No! No! It's the voices again!"

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