Sunday, February 14, 2010
Puff
"Do you want a corner to look at?" Allen said warningly.
"Ooh, yes please," Robin said sourly.
Title:
Puff.
Warnings:
Silliness ahead Kisses: R and L, with thanks for everlasting patience and Encouragement
Apologies: Shrewkate- I couldn't work in a robotic hoover! Fascinated by the
idea though and dying to........ I think my maine coon would kill it.
PUFF
Damien
looked knackered behind his desk. Which was staggering, I didn't think Lizzie
Dripping had it in him to knacker out a dead haddock. I threw a pencil at him
to get his attention which he caught automatically and filed in the overflowing
pot on his desk. Which is why I'm forever having to swipe pencils from his
office.
"Good
weekend was it?"
"Not
especially." Damien leaned back in his chair and gave me the have-you-done-any-
work-yet look. I sat on his desk and knocked the little multiple magnetised
ball thingy so it swung and clacked.
"Do
you want to go to the Blue Boar for lunch?"
"I
can't today, I've got things to do. And so have you."
He
gave me a firm push off his desk and I stood up, pulling a face. "I'm
BORED with the Davis account, all the interesting bits are done-"
"I
still want it by Wednesday." Damien said heartlessly. "Go and do some
work."
"I
will if you play noughts and crosses on MSN with me?" I wheedled. Damien
shook his head.
"Do
an hour's work and I'll think about it. Go on."
"What
are you doing at lunchtime?" I paused in the doorway of his office and
leaned on the frame, watching him go back to reading through the file on his
desk. "Your office timetable said you were in all week, I checked."
"You're
nosy."
I
didn't deny it. "Where ARE you going?"
"Nick's
in hospital for a few days, I need to take him a few things over." Damien
said mildly without looking up. "Go and do some work."
"Why?"
"Because
you're getting paid for it."
I
snorted at him. "Why is he in hospital? Asthma?"
OH
what a surprise…… Damien shut his file and got up.
"Yes.
Work."
I got
up off the doorframe grudgingly, since he was clearly about to shut his door.
Which he does sometimes, despite my complaining about it.
"Is
he ok?"
"Not
bad." Damien gave me a faint smile, taking firm hold of the door.
"Work."
He
did shut the door on me.
I
went across the main office to my desk, perched on it and picked up the phone
to call Allen.
Allen
was Allenish and rang me back at lunchtime, having rung the hospital to ask
after Nick, and having told me to stop bothering Damien.
"If
he wants to tell you he'll tell you, leave him alone." he said when I
reminded him that we liked to know the current news.
I
hadn't bothered Damien. His door had remained shut and he'd only responded to
two invitations to play on MSN, plus a threat to block me if I didn't stop
trying to chat too.
"How
IS Gwynneth?" I asked Allen. "Did they tell you?"
"They
said he was comfortable, although he's on the high dependency unit. It sounds
like it was quite a bad attack."
"You'd
think they'd be used to it by now." I pointed out.
"It
can't get any less nerve wracking. I'll cook early this afternoon and take some
over for Damien, it might be nice if you make sure he's got milk and what have
you at the office. He probably isn't getting much time to shop."
I
like it when he gets all domestic and caring about people. He's really good at
things like that. I can never think of anything useful to do for anyone.
Damien
didn't come back to work that afternoon. I dropped the Davis file completed on
his desk before I left and went home to find Allen clipping the hedge. He
smiled at me when I parked the car, shirt sleeves rolled back, clippings all
over the pavement and drive. I left him there and went up to have a bath.
I
could hear him sweeping the path for some time while the sunshine went from
bright afternoon to the gold type evening colour, like a Debenhams restaurant
picture. Eventually he came upstairs and sat on the side of the bath with his
hair all tousled from being outside.
"Want
to tell me what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
I said grumpily, turning over in the bath so the water slopped in all
directions. Allen tickled down my back and rubbed my neck.
"Nothing
but?"
This
is a familiar game, we play it a lot.
"Nothing
but nothing."
"Do
you want a corner to look at?" Allen said warningly.
"Ooh
yes please." I said sourly, and like an idiot found myself looking at the
bathroom one, wrapped in a towel, while he changed his clothes. Normal people
must catch on at some point. Man Trap Ahead. Corner Imminent. Incoming.
"Come
here." Allen said eventually, sitting on the bed. I skulked across to him,
keeping a scowl in place just to make sure he didn't think I'd been subdued in
any way, and he pulled me down into his lap as if I was six.
Never
quite got used to that.
Not
that I don't like it mind you, but came as a bit of a shock the first time he
did it. Wasn't expecting a boyfriend- well, boyfriend was a bit of an odd term
considering how much older he was than me and my other boyfriends at the time
WERE boys- but not expecting a guy to do that.
I
still wasn't much good at it.
He
pulled me close as if I wasn't being awkward and eventually, sulkily, I did put
my arms around his neck and leaned against him.
"What's
the matter?" he said in my ear. I took a deep breath and let it out in an
exasperated sigh. He's a total pain like this. No knowledge is sacred.
"Damien
wouldn't talk to me this morning."
"I
thought he told you about Nick?"
"In
about two sentences. He played two lousy games on line and then sodded off out
of the office and didn't come back."
Allen
nodded, unrattled. "He probably went to see Nick."
"Of
COURSE he went to see Nick." I said irritably. "I'm not thick."
"Just
grumpy." Allen said untactfully. I tried, unsuccessfully to get off his
lap.
"I
am not. He ignored me this morning, he wouldn't tell me anything about what was
happening, if he doesn't want me to know that's fine. I don't care
anyway."
Allen
didn't answer.
"Nick
shut me in that bloody coach at Halloween anyway." I said after a while,
still more sourly. "And he said I fed their rotten cat sherry at Christmas
and Damien believed him. He's HORRIBLE to me, he's ALWAYS horrible to me, and
you like him better than me."
"Where
did you get that idea from?"
Look,
SAYING it doesn't mean I have to defend it logically. People SAY things all the
time.
"I
DIDN'T feed the cat sherry." I said, ignoring that question with superb
indifference.
"Yes
you did." Allen said calmly. "We sorted that one out months
ago."
"And
he got me in to trouble AGAIN." This time I managed to get out of his grip
and stormed across to the window, the exit spoiled only by having to clutch to
keep my loosened towel in place. Allen followed me and folded both arms around
my neck from behind, pulling me back against his chest and putting his face
against mine.
"He
will be allright." He said eventually, into my ear. "They deal with
this every time, they're good at it, they know what to do. Nick's tougher than
he looks."
Like
I said, he's a total pain like this. I took a deep breath which shook a bit and
he kissed my cheek. And went on holding me.
**********************************************
Damien
didn't come into work on Tuesday.
The
carpark outside the hospital was fairly empty for mid evening, and there were
only a few people on the stairs, carrying flowers and the occasional couple
with a new baby and balloons and toys as we got close to the signs for the
neonatal unit. We hadn't brought anything with us: Allen knew the rules for the
unit and said they were strict about anything likely to carry germs or hold
dust. The signs led on for miles through the hospital, and ended up in a
sweltering and mostly blue area through double doors where two beds were in
each bay and enough equipment was around each one to look like the bridge of
the Starship Enterprise. I got my hand out of my coat pocket and took hold of
Allen's. He paused at the doorway, looking down the list of names. Nicholas
Hayes, name number four in red, with a whole lot of comments and names beside
it that made no sense whatsoever. I trailed Allen slowly down the central
corridor to the second bay, and across to the second bed. Damien was sitting there,
his folded arms propped on the bed, and his tie hanging loose several inches
below his opened collar. He looked up and smiled when he saw us. A normal type
smile, like everything was fine.
Why,
I didn't know. Nick looked awful.
There
wasn't anything better to say about it, he had tubes coming out of his wrists,
a thing on his hand, an oxygen mask over his face, he was sitting bolt upright
against several thousand pillows with his eyes shut and he looked bloody awful.
Screens all over the place clicked and beeped and it was so hot that I was
finding it hard to breathe, never mind him. Clipboards hung everywhere, covered
in gibberish. Damien got up and edged around all the equipment to kiss Allen
and to give me a hug, although I couldn't take my eyes off the Queen of the
Daleks in the bed.
"Hi.
It's nice of you to come over. They keep chairs out in the corridor for
visitors-"
"I'll
get them, it's ok." Allen went to get chairs. Damien kept an arm around
me, shaking gently to make me look at him.
"He's
only asleep, he's always shattered after an attack like this. This is all
precautionary, it looks a lot worse than it is."
I
swallowed. "I put the Davis file on your desk last night. I bet you
haven't even seen it."
"I
rang in this morning, Jodie said you'd got it finished early." Damien said
warmly. "It's gone in to be typed up, she thought it looked great."
"You'll
probably hate it."
Allen
brought chairs back and put them around the bed. I didn't want to sit down. It
looked too much like waiting for something to happen. Damien sat down again
though and leaned on the bed, picking up one of Nick's hands as though it
wasn't leaking tubes in all directions. Allen pulled on the tail of my coat
until I sat down beside him and tried to find something safe to look at.
"How
is he doing?"
"Very
well." Damien said cheerfully, which sounded totally ridiculous in the
circumstances. Hey, you're not dead Nick! Full marks!
"They've
got him on a Bricanyl drip which is doing a good job and the oxygen makes a big
difference, he's been feeling a lot better today."
I
gave him a look of disbelief and he smiled.
"When
he's awake. The physios are doing some checks in the morning and if his chest
is relatively clear he can go up to a normal ward."
"That's
good news." Allen said warmly. "How long are they likely to keep him
in for?"
"They
want to get him off the drip onto twice daily slow release doses of the
Bricanyl, instead of the one he was on before. They're actually talking about
us trying an injectable form at home instead of the pills. I'm not quite sure
about that."
My
ears started to sing at that point.
Nurses
came in and out every couple of minutes, shunting us out of the way while they
tugged at the monitors and poked Nick who didn't react. He looked like he'd
been stuffed. After about fifteen
minutes, while Damien and Allen talked and periodically one of them asked me
something which I answered in monosyllables, a man came in and actually started
to take blood out of the valve thing in Nick's hand. As if we weren't even
there. THAT was too much. I hastily got up, clutching at Allen's sleeve.
"We
need to go."
Allen
looked at me. I shifted weight from foot to foot, looking hard at him and NOT
at the chief vampire who carried on oblivious.
"It's
too hot in here, it's making me feel sick…."
"It
is hot." Damien said sympathetically. Allen gave me a glare, but I was
already towing him backwards, very glad to be moving towards the door. Allen
surrendered and paused, bracing against me long enough to give Damien a hug.
"Ring
if you need any shopping doing, or there's anything we can help with. Take care
of yourself."
"We
will, thanks. Thanks for coming." Damien gave me a smile which I couldn't
return. I bolted out of the ward as fast as I could, leaving Allen to follow.
He caught me up at the foot of the stairs that led into the A&E department,
put a hand through my arm and radiated quiet censure at me.
I
hate that.
"It
was too hot, I've got a headache." I told him. Allen walked me through to
the carpark, sounding quietly disapproving.
"And
Damien needs the company, that was rude."
Rude
or not, I did NOT want to be sitting there looking at the stuffed tube dripper.
It didn't even LOOK like Nick, I had no idea how Damien could sit there staring
at him all day. And Allen thought he was sitting there a lot of the night too,
although it looked to me like Nick was past noticing who was there or not.
I
didn't say much for the rest of the evening, although Allen tried a lot.
Eventually he sent me up to bed and came too, and we lay watched tv together in
the dark.
On
the way to work in the morning I took a detour, hovered in the carpark for a
while, then slowly headed up the stairs and through the rabbit warren of green
and cream corridors.
Damien
was standing at the end of the bed with a cup of tea in his hand, and a
newspaper in the other, and he looked up in surprise. I hovered where I was,
shrugging a little with no idea what it was I actually doing there. Still more
to my surprise, risking a look at the bed, Nick's eyes were open and fixed on
me. He had oxygen tubes in his nose this morning but no mask, and he pulled
himself upright, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees quite calmly,
as though he hadn't looked like a taxidermised rabbit the night before.
"Good
morning."
His
voice was a little husky but perfectly normal.
I
stared at him blankly. Damien folded the newspaper and dropped it on the bed,
putting a hand on my shoulder as he passed me.
"Sit
down Robin, I'll get you a cup of tea."
****************************************
I got
into trouble on Friday evening for stamping in Tescos and muttering at the girl
on the till who seemed to be working in slow motion. Why do they always put the
slowest possible girl on the express checkout??
I
pointed that out to Allen who wasn't interested, which made me still more
annoyed, which I also pointed out, and ended up in bed at nine pm having
completed the lines he'd insisted on being written. The girl on the till should
be writing lines too.
'I
will try to move at a speed that will get people out of the shop before
Christmas. And NOT wear a tongue bar which makes customers want to vomit.'
I
told Allen that later, and explained to him he ought to be glad I only got my
eyebrow pierced. He said he was glad enough that it had healed without a scar
once he'd made me take the ring out and confiscated it.
Mean.
Although
actually I realised while it was getting done that I was making a ghastly
mistake. Trendy architect image… not.
"Damien's
hoping that Nick'll be discharged home tomorrow afternoon." Allen said
when he came up to bed. I rolled over to watch him undress, rocking a bit on
the water bed which I love and he puts up with because I love it. I keep
telling him it'll grow on him.
"If
he is, I'll go over and help, there's a lot of things they need to bring
back."
"There
isn't THAT much, only Nick's clothes and stuff." I said unsympathetically.
"We were supposed to be going out with James and Alec tomorrow-"
"We
still can." Allen turned the light out and lay down, bracing himself until
the waves moved from stormy to the tide going out. "It won't take more
than an hour to give them a hand. Damien said the hospital are sending oxygen
home with them when they go, those cylinders weigh a ton and there'll be equipment
to -"
"OXYGEN?"
I said in horror.
Allen
had the yes, it's fine, ignore the ceiling falling voice on.
"It's
apparently very common for people with brittle asthma to keep oxygen at
home."
Rubbish,
that wasn't normal AT ALL. WHO did he know with oxygen at home?!
"Damien
said they wanted to work on keeping his blood oxygen levels even over the
winter. Easy for them to check the levels and for him to have an hour on oxygen
at home if he needs to top it up. Should keep him fitter."
"And
how does NICK feel about this?" I demanded. Allen didn't change his tone.
"I'd
think he'll be relieved if it's going to reduce the chances of him having
another of these bad attacks."
NO
way. I knew very well how I'd feel if anyone even thought about introducing that
kind of equipment into my home and my life. Nick was a drip, but even drips
have rights. I couldn't believe Damien would actually agree to this.
********************************
"I
don't know what you're so upset about." Allen said firmly, hanging onto my
hand to stop me storming down the corridor ahead of him. "It's NOT you,
you don't even know what they think about it- most likely they'll be happy to
do anything likely to keep him more comfortable."
The
ward was miles from the high dependency unit. Allen pulled me back at the
doorway, put me against the wall and Looked at me, eyebrows raised, eyes
warning. I scowled in anticipation.
"What?"
"DON'T
ask them about it."
He
has no concept of the thinking man's right to know.
"WHY?"
I said hotly.
"NO."
Allen said just as firmly.
He
never uses that tone with Nick.
"I
mean it Robin. One word and I'll spank you."
"For
doing what?!" I demanded in outrage. Allen didn't take his eyes off mine.
"For
asking personal and intrusive questions when they've been through enough
already. I mean it."
Damien
was packing the contents of the bedside cabinet into an open sports bag and
Nick was sitting on the end of the bed, scowling. I had a good peer at the
contents of the sports bag: mostly books, a sketch pad, a CD headset and
several talking books. Miss Marple was one of the names on the case. God does
Miss Hayes need a life. The sociopolitical connotations of the word 'gay' seem
to have passed him by entirely, he isn't marching for anything, he's curling up
with a mug of cocoa and his AA Milne poetry in Marks and Spencers pyjamas. I
have no clue what Damien sees in him, he could probably have the same amount of
fun with a cabbage patch doll.
"Any
news?" Allen said cheerfully. Nick leaned past Damien and gave him a hug.
I never like the way he hugs Allen, a brief sideways type squeeze would be
fine, he doesn't have to be that enthusiastic.
"Yes.
Maybe some time next week if we're lucky."
"They
want some blood test results back first." Damien said, zipping the bag
shut and sitting down beside Nick. He draped an arm over his shoulder, an
absent gesture that Nick just as absently leaned into, still scowling. Which
REALLY got on my wick. I found Allen and leaned against him myself, scowling
back at Nick although he naturally was taking no notice whatever of me.
"What
tests?"
"Final
confirmation of how the Bricanyl is doing."
"Are
you doing the home injections?" I demanded. Allen gave me a hard glare.
Nick gave me a shrug.
"Trialing
them."
"You're
insane."
"Robin."
Allen said quietly but with great meaning. I glared right back.
"Well
you are, that's disgusting."
Allen's
eyebrows were virtually tangling up in the middle of his forehead. Nick gave me
an acid look.
"No
one's asking you to watch, do feel free to go home at any time."
"It's
worth a try if it's going to help." Damien said mildly. "And it's
very kind of you both to come, I'm sorry it looks like we're going to be
waiting a while."
"That's
no problem, how long does it look like being?" Allen took a seat and
indicated to me to sit too. I ignored him, fixing my eyes on the oxygen
equipment around the bed.
"I'm
afraid we really don't know." Damien said apologetically. "They did
an arterial blood sample this morning-"
"Do
we HAVE to know the details?" I demanded.
"-
and it's a case of waiting for the results and then checking with the
consultant. So if you've got other things to do-"
"We
don't mind waiting." Allen said calmly. I thought about standing on his
foot, but he moved at the last moment and took my hand firmly.
"Robin
sit down, we're not in any hurry."
Grrrr.
I
struggled to find something- anything- safe to look at while they talked. Nick
didn't say much, he still sounded fairly breathless and he was leaning against
Damien like a chunk of wet lettuce, but he chipped in at intervals and the
three of them yattered on together like they always do. Garden plants,
international affairs, Allen's current researches which they always know more
about than I do, it's like being trapped in the middle of a round of University
Challenge.
Allen
tried several times to talk to me but I was so livid by then that I answered in
monosyllables and wouldn't look at him. I finally caught the glare Nick was
giving me and jerked to my feet, wrenching my hand out of Allen's. You ARE the
weakest link, goodbye….
"I'm
going to find a coffee. Something that might actually keep me awake."
Allen
followed me into the corridor with a slow, purposeful tread that made me head
still faster for the drinks machine, deliberately not looking at him. His hand
landed on my shoulder before I got there.
"Let's
find the gents please."
"I
only wanted a coffee!"
He
didn't answer, and he looked far too grim. I hung back where I was, eyes
starting to sting in spite of myself.
"I
didn't do anything!"
He
stopped, keeping hold of my arm, and looked at me. His stern look is horrible,
it's rare and it doesn't suit him, and it always makes me start babbling, my
voice getting higher and louder and less steady.
"I
didn't! I don't know what anyone's talking about anyway and I HATE sitting
there with all that stuff around and he hates me anyway-"
"Stop,
now."
He
was still looking at me. I swallowed and stopped. That kind of freak out always
used to work on everyone- house masters, social workers, my grandparents- not
Allen. He saw through it the second time I did it, and I got the same look then
that I was getting now.
"You're
going to spank me." I said, almost in appeal.
The
proper answer is, 'no of course I'm not, I understand you're upset and having a
difficult hour.'
"Yes."
He said simply. And waited.
He
NEVER gets this right. Damien needs to teach him about sympathy and
understanding, he is nothing like this mean with Miss Hayes. Although Miss
Hayes probably dissolves into tears if he's told off.
There
wasn't much I could say in answer, I just trailed with him and he steered me
down the hallway and into the disabled loo, hanging back as much as I could.
"Not
here," I pleaded, fidgeting while he locked the door. Allen let go of me
and put his hands on his hips, giving me a steady look that I really didn't
like.
"What
did I tell you about asking questions?"
"He
was being-" I began. Allen shook his head.
"What
did I tell you?"
"Not
to." I admitted quietly.
"Right."
Allen agreed. "I did. Take your jeans down."
That
took a while. I unbuttoned them very slowly, stomach churning, eyes prickling,
trying to sound dignified instead of pleading.
"Someone's
going to hear-"
"I'm
waiting." Allen said firmly. I unzipped the flies and unsteadily eased the
jeans down just onto my thighs. Allen put an arm around me then, drew me
against him and bent me over his hip, pulling the jeans further down and my
shorts followed. I clung to his belt and jeans and my eyes started to sting in
earnest as he swatted, hard and accurately, moving from side to side with
enough speed and dispatch that I couldn't get my breath or stand still. He held
tighter when I started to squirm and swatted still harder, and he didn't stop
either until I couldn't keep my breathing quiet any more and a few sobs started
to escape. I clutched for my backside and rubbed when he let me straighten up,
leaned hard against him and admittedly sniveled for a minute. He leaned to pull
up my shorts and jeans, buttoned them for me and then wrapped his arms around
me, holding me silently and warmly while I pulled myself together.
"I
don't want to hear another question or comment about oxygen or medication, is
that clear?" he said into my ear.
I
nodded emphatically. He bent his head and kissed me, cheek and forehead.
"Good.
Let's go and keep them company."
"They're
not talking to me," I protested, aware I sounded pitiful. "Can't we
just go home-"
"No,
we can't. And you're feeling left out because you work very hard at BEING left
out, we've all spoken to you and you've blanked us. Listen to what's being said
and stop sulking, and it's not going to be nearly so hard."
His
tone took all the sting out of his words. I nodded, sniffing, and he handed me
a tissue, watching me mop my face. Then took my hand and pulled me close,
wrapping an arm around me.
"Come
on then baby."
Damien
met us in the corridor, looking hassled. I saw his eyes sweep over me and
ducked behind Allen, not at all wanting him to see my red eyes or any other
evidence.
"I'm
going to have to go home, they're delivering the oxygen now and they need me
there while they set it up and do the safety checks- would you mind staying
with Nick? It should only be half an hour or so and then if you need to move on
we'll be fine."
"Yes,
no problem." Allen said at once. "Will you need help?"
Damien
shook his head.
"No,
it won't take long. If you can stop Nick pacing that would be a great help,
I'll be as quick as I can. Thankyou, we both really appreciate this."
"Ok,
don't worry." Allen said reassuringly. Damien smiled and headed back onto
the ward ahead of us, picking his jacket up from the end of the bed and
stooping to kiss Nick.
"I
won't be long, don't agitate."
"Do
I look like I'm agitating?" Nick demanded. Damien cupped a hand around the
back of his head and this time Nick stopped scowling long enough to lift his
face and kiss him again, more thoroughly.
"Ok
ok I won't. Drive carefully, the traffic'll be mad in town."
If I
said that to Allen I'd sound like I'd escaped from some cheesy sitcom. NICK
says it and everyone goes ahhhhhhhh like he's never locked himself in their car
or chucked his briefcase across the road. He has, I've seen him do it.
I
went and sat on the windowsill as fast as possible with the intent of getting
out of sight and then winced as I made contact with the hard surface. Damien
pulled the keys out of his pocket and headed down the ward with that long
stride that always reminds me of the ten league boots in some story I remember
the house master reading us at prep school. Eight of us in pyjamas sitting on
his hearthrug and drinking truly disgusting cocoa. Most of mine was fed to his
yucca plant over the years which it seemed hardened to, but he read a good
story.
We
spent the next ten minutes doing a crossword puzzle on the back of Damien's
abandoned newspaper, which I sucked at and freely said so, then Nick spotted
some piece of paper on the side cabinet and grabbed it up like it was the
answer to life, the universe and everything.
"DAMN-
that's the consent form, he's forgotten it-"
"What
is?" Allen took the paper from him. Nick got up, looking agitated despite,
I noted, Damien's CLEAR instructions to him not to.
"It's
for the oxygen, I'm supposed to sign for it on delivery since it's being
prescribed for me, we had to get the form to say I agreed to Damien signing on
my behalf."
"Is
there a chance they'll let him sign anyway?" Allen asked. Nick shook his
head.
"I
don't think so, it's something to do with the risks involved, it being
potentially explosive and all the rest of it-"
I sat
back and thought, with some interest, about Damien agreeing to Nick having
something potentially explosive in the house.
"So
I'll take it straight over," Allen said reassuringly, getting up.
"I'll phone Damien on the way, don't worry, I can't be more than a few
minutes behind him and they won't have to wait long. Robin."
I
looked at him. Allen gave me a somewhat impatient nod.
"Come
on."
"I'm
fine here." I explained. Nick rolled his eyes. Discreetly, but I saw.
Allen's expression was rapidly becoming grim.
"Now
please."
"Someone
needs to stay here." I pointed out. "What if he agitates?"
"I'm
sure he'll be fine." Allen said grimly. "Come on please, we need to
get going."
I
shook my head, not moving.
"I
don't want to sit in the car, I'll wait here."
I
didn't want to sit in the car. It wasn't going to be any more comfortable than
the windowsill. I was staggered when Nick chimed in.
"It's
ok, I don't mind and it won't be for long."
Ha.
Allen
hesitated for a long moment, then glanced down at the paper in his hand. Then
between us and I was glad to see his Look hit Nick as much as me.
"If
there is ANY bickering, shouting, arguing, quarrelling, or ANY other form of
conflict, I'll spank you both. And then I'll tell Damien. Is that clear?"
I
nodded hurriedly in spite of myself, not at all keen on risking being spanked
again and more thoroughly today. Nick's expression suggested that he didn't
take that threat too seriously.
"Behave."
Allen said sternly. And headed out of the door. I listened to him go, then
raised an eyebrow at Nick.
"Wanting
the company?"
He
gave me a sarcastic smile. I got up, essentially to get off my sore backside,
and wandered, poking at the oxygen machine.
"Are
you really going to have this stuff at home?"
I saw
his "hello?" expression and added to it, scowling, before he could
comment.
"I
meant are you ok about it. Tubes and cylinders and all that stuff, I didn't
think you were THAT ill."
"I'm
not." Nick said shortly. "It's a standard thing. There was some
research came out last summer about brittle asthma and oxygen, a lot of people
are trialing it at home to see if it helps."
"Helps
do what?"
He
looked skywards and recited as though giving information to the terminally
stupid.
"You
don't die of asthma in an asthma attack, you die from lack of oxygen. If you've
got oxygen at home and you use it straight away the chances are that an attack
won't cause too much difficulty. And my blood oxygen levels are lousy over the
winter anyway, we're supposed to try keeping them higher which should reduce
the attacks."
"Going
to make the house look like an intensive flipping care unit." I said
pointedly. "Not the sexiest thing to have in the bedroom."
Nick
gave me a flat look that made my stomach jolt.
"Tell
me about it. Give Damien and my consultant another six months and they'll have
a ventilator in the kitchen and a home cremation kit in the shed for when I
finally do snuff it. Happy now?"
I
stared at him, horribly guilty. Nick stared down at his hands for a moment,
then pushed up off the bed. He was dressed, wearing jeans and a sweatshirt,
although his feet were bare and his hair still in his eyes. He ran a hand
through it to shake it back and picked up his bag on the bed, sorting through
it.
"What
do you want?" I said eventually when he carried on sorting. He didn't look
up.
"My
phone."
"Why?"
"I
want to check that form with Damien. And let him know Allen's on his way."
"Allen
said he'd phone him."
"I
want to check too." Nick grabbed neatly folded clothes out of the bag and
dropped them on the bed. "They said they might need to phone for verbal
confirmation with me before he could sign for it, and we weren't sure we had it
filled in right."
"It's
not the end of the world-"
"If
it isn't delivered today I'm stuck here until Monday." Nick said
exasperatedly. "It's not much fun Robin, trust me. WHERE THE HELL IS MY
PHONE?"
I
felt in my pockets and shook my head.
"I
haven't got mine, we only take one out with us when we're together and Allen
picked up his this morning."
"I've
probably lost the damned thing." Nick sat down on the side of the bed and
glared into space. "I had it on Friday at work… came home, we went out to
shop, I started wheezing on the way back…."
"Coat
pocket? Briefcase? Your car?"
"Damien's
car." Nick said, wincing. "That isn't going to be a lot of use. I'd
better ring Damien and let him know I haven't got it here."
"Where?
Is there a ward phone?" I asked, trailing him. He was heading out of the
double doors at the end of the corridor.
"Payphones
somewhere around, I heard one of the nurses telling someone yesterday."
The
corridors were swarming with people on trolleys, in wheelchairs, visitors and
small children. Nick, barefoot and scruffy, was determinedly edging through
them towards the main stairwell. I quickened my pace, trying to think where I'd
seen pay phones.
"There's
probably some down by casualty?"
Nick
paused in front of a large sign listing departments.
"Radiology,
phlebotomy, maternity unit, A&E- ground floor, this way."
"Have
you got any change?" I demanded. Nick dug a hand in his pocket and waved
silver at me, still ploughing down the stairs.
He
really hacked me off sometimes.
We
stopped three floors down in between a crossroad of corridors. Nick glanced
down both, frowning.
"It
said on this level. Let's try this one."
I
followed him, glancing around for signs. "You probably shouldn't be
wandering around."
"I've
been waiting all day to be discharged, I'm fine." Nick said over his
shoulder. "There HAS to be a sign around here somewhere."
I
couldn't justify what I did later when Allen asked me. It was an impulse, it
was just the right moment and the right place and I did it without thinking,
stifling a grin as I propped my back to the wall and nodded left down the corridor.
Looking earnest.
"I
think it's that way, that's the front of the hospital and the A&E's visible
from the road."
Nick
took me at my word and I tried not to laugh as he headed down the corridor in a
good imitation of Damien's stride, and I took my shoulders off the sign
labelled 'Morgue'.
That
ought to stop Little Miss Muffet here looking quite so assertive and organised.
We
actually got a good way down the corridor, Nick some way ahead of me, when
someone with a deep voice and a good line in barking, yelled
"Where
do you think you're going?"
I
froze and turned around. A man in a security uniform came the last few steps to
me and grabbed my elbows, barking again down to Nick.
"HEY.
What do you think you're doing? Come here!"
Nick
looked as thunderstruck as I felt. The man lifted his radio to his mouth, let
me go and started down the corridor towards him.
"Control,
I've got two intruders in the morgue-"
I saw
the word hit Nick like a ton of bricks, and make him look around at the doors
leading off the hallway. Then two more security guards appeared at the far end
of the corridor at a jog, and my nerve slipped. I admit, I turned and ran for
it.
It
took me hours to find my way back up to the ward, and when I got there I sat on
the edge of Nick's bed and tried to stop trembling, or looking like I'd just
done anything stupid. I had no clue where Nick was or what was happening to
him, I didn't imagine it would take them long to get him back to the ward once
they realised he was a patient. And with luck he'd be back and we'd both be
looking innocent when Allen and Damien got back.
I sat
and fidgeted for a good twenty minutes, the ward seemed to be incredibly quiet,
and then one of the nurses passing the door caught sight of me and hurried
over. To my horror she was sniffling, her eyes red. My first thought was
something awful had happened somewhere else on the ward, but she straight away
asked,
"Are
you a friend of Nick's? Did you come to see Nick?"
"Yes,"
I said warily, "I just popped in to see how he was doing-"
She
cleared her throat but put a hand on my arm, steering me with her into the
corridor.
"I'm
going to have to ask a huge favour of you, we've been looking for his partner
everywhere,"
Oh
God. Nick had panicked. He'd had a major attack. He'd probably died and it was
my fault for some stupid spur of the moment joke-
"WHAT?"
I said helplessly. She hustled me into the lift.
"Security
called the police, he's up on the roof."
"The
roof??" I said blankly.
Her
eyes filled again. "It looks like he's thinking of jumping- we get told to
watch them and look out for any signs but he seemed so calm, he was going home
today-"
I
blinked at her in pure horror.
"NICK?
NICK going to jump?"
"We
were looking for anyone he might know who'd talk to the police, just while we
try to find his partner."
The
lift was going up and up, presumably towards the roof and my hands were
shaking, I felt ready to throw up.
"Nick
wouldn't! He really wouldn't!"
"It
happens sometimes," the nurse said unsteadily, "He's had a medication
change, equipment going home, it's a big stress- sometimes you don't see the
signs… he always seems such a gentle boy when he's here-"
The
lift plinged and the nurse opened it on to a corridor FULL of policemen. I
stared at them in horror. One came rapidly across to us and the nurse pushed me
forward.
"This
is a friend of Nick's-"
"Robin
Porter." I said in a daze. This couldn't be happening. The corridor had a
short staircase, leading, I was sure, to the roof. The policeman nodded and
took my arm, giving me a very kind look.
"You
know Nick well? It's a bit of a shock this, I'm sure. What we need is someone
who can give us a bit of background information."
"You
need to call his partner!" I said horrified. "Damien Mitchell, he's
at home, I know he is!"
"Yes,
we tracked him down. A squad car has gone over to pick him up in case he can
help and we've got negotiators on their way over." The man said
soothingly. "In most cases the jumper comes down lad, don't you worry.
We'll just keep him talking, nice and calm while we have time to get people
here who need to be here."
Nick.
I couldn't believe it. I'd been ragging him and being spiteful about the
medications and all the time he was… boiling up to do something this stupid.
Damien was going to go berserk. He'd be devastated. My knees were shaking as
well as my hands as I was steered up the short staircase and out of a fire door
onto the roof. There were more police up there. I could see a group of them
near the door, two more some way off- and beyond them, at a good distance and
near the edge of the roof, Nick. With his arms folded, his hair blowing in the
breeze, standing uncertainly with his eyes on the carpark below. Nick. It was
really Nick, I couldn't believe it.
The
policeman steered me gently with him to the group of coppers who were gathered
with radios. One of them gave me a reassuring smile as the policeman nodded to
them.
"Robin
Porter, he's a friend."
Yep.
And with friends like me, who needed enemies.
"Good."
The policeman said calmly. "We've had a quick talk to the medical staff
lad, they said he's had some drug changes which might have upset him- do you
know of anything else?"
"You
need his partner." I repeated, shaking. "Damien'll sort it out-"
"Yes,
he's on his way, but it's not always a good idea to get family involved."
The man told me. "Unpredictable, we don't want to risk Nick doing anything
silly if he gets upset."
Another
policeman joined the group and looked over my head to the man talking to me.
"Checks
done sir, negotiator is on his way. It IS a fatal drop and the fire chief is
worried, says there's a lot of stuff down there he can fall on."
"Better
cordon it off then and see what we can move." The policeman said calmly,
"Discreetly, let's not rattle him any more than he already is. He's saying
nothing, I think he's serious, doesn't want to talk to us at all."
"He's
probably scared!" I said hotly. "You need Damien up here!"
The
man gave me a steady look. "Do you know if they've had any arguments? Any
domestic problems? Family or financial problems that might be on his mind? The
staff here say he's very quiet, not easy to tell what he's thinking."
Probably
thinking about how horrible I was to him.
"It's
my fault," I blurted out, "I was teasing him downstairs, he wanted a
payphone and I tricked him into wandering around by the morgue-"
The
man put a kind hand on my shoulder.
"I
don't think that would have done it son. It might have been the last straw but
he's clearly been in this frame of mind for a while, security were following
him and they said he came straight up here and over to the edge, no messing
around or threats like attention seekers do."
"He
WON'T jump." I said helplessly. "Nick wouldn't! He really wouldn't!
Nothing's THAT bad-"
Except
I'd been telling him, loudly, how much it sucked to have oxygen at home and
just how much that was going to add to his sex life.
I
ought to be the one jumping. I folded my arms, trying not to scream or do
anything else stupid, the police were clearly terrified of spooking Nick
further.
"Can
I talk to him? Please? I won't upset him, I swear I won't upset him."
The
police hesitated. The senior one put a hand on my shoulder, kind but firm.
"I'm
sorry lad. You'll understand, we can't risk ANYTHING that might tip the scales
for him. The negotiator'll be here as soon as he can, it's his job to see if he
can talk him back to us. Until then we'll just have to-"
"NICHOLAS
MARTIN HAYES GET AWAY FROM THAT EDGE RIGHT NOW."
I
hadn't actually known Damien could shout that loud.
Even
at this height I could pick him out, storming across the carpark with several
policemen in hot pursuit, tall, jacketed, and an expression on his face that
reached me even this high up.
"Get
him out of there!" One of the policemen said furiously. But on the other
side of the roof to my joy, Nick backed up, fast, clearly not about to give
Damien any kind of impression that he was going to argue. I didn't blame him.
Several police were converging on Damien at a run, one appeared to be trying to
reason with him and from the Look he got Damien was not impressed with his
point of view. One of the policemen near Nick said soothingly,
"It's
allright mate, we'll deal with him- you always get some nutter mouthing
off-"
"It's
allright," I interrupted, "That's his partner."
The
man looked at me blankly, but Nick turned around and gave him a sympathetic
look.
"Boyfriend?
Husband?"
I
caught his eye. He gave me a faint and harried smile.
The
policeman wasn't looking much more with it. To my flooding relief Damien
suddenly appeared in the doorway behind me, still with the policeman from below
although the man no longer looked like he was trying to shoo Damien back. I
never have thought Damien was shooable. He put me out of the way, stormed
straight past and held out a hand.
"Nicholas
come here. RIGHT now."
"Please,"
one of the police said in what sounded near panic, "Let's try not to upset
him, or I really WILL have to ask you to-"
"NOW."
Damien snapped, sharply enough that all the policemen flinched.
Nick
moved on the word. Straight back from the edge and across to him, nodding
politely to the two policemen as he passed them. Damien's hand closed on his
arm as soon as he came into reach and pulled him close, holding him tightly.
Everyone on the roof visibly relaxed. My knees started to tremble and abruptly
gave way, and I sat down on the tarmacked roof top. The policeman in charge
gave Nick a look of real relief and took a deep, slow breath.
"I'm
so glad you listened to that lad. Are you allright? I think we need to go
inside and we need to have a chat, let's find somewhere quiet eh?"
"What's
the matter?" Damien said firmly to Nick, not moving. Nick looked up,
standing against him with a vaguely harassed expression.
"My
cell phone's in your car."
Damien
ran a hand down his back, rubbing, his voice quite calm.
"Ok,
I'll get it."
The
police officer looked as bewildered as I felt.
Allen
was in the corridor beyond the roof, they hadn't let him come up. They hadn't
intended to let Damien up either apparently, but he hadn't waited to discuss
it. They weren't letting Nick out of their sight, it was a minute or two before
I could get around the crowd of police onto the stairs and Allen grabbed me. By
then I didn't feel good for much at all. I admit despite the audience I grabbed
him back and had a quiet fit while the police got the roof cleared.
All
hell was breaking loose in the corridor. Medics were mixed up with police and
Damien, an arm firmly around Nick, was talking calmly and with great charm and
diplomacy, explaining that no a psychiatrist wasn't needed at this moment in
time, Nick was fine, the best thing for everyone to do was to calm down, get
Nick back to the ward and then he and the police supervisor could sort this out
properly.
"I
don't know how he does it." Allen said in my ear. "Are you allright?
Rob? Are you sure? What happened? A squad car came screeching up and they told
us Nick was up on the roof threatening to jump!"
"He
was!" I said frantically, "It's all my fault-"
"What's
all your fault?" Allen said calmly. "Look at me, it's ok. What's your
fault honey? Did you two have a fight?"
"I
was horrible," I ducked through his arms and buried my face in his
shoulder, not wanting to look at or listen to the crowd around us. Allen didn't
say anything for a minute, then manhandled me back through the doorway to the
stairwell, let it close behind us on the racket and sat down on the steps,
sitting me beside him.
"Ok."
He said when I could hear him, still holding me. "Tell me about it. All of
it and from the beginning."
**************************************
Nick
was lying on the bed when Allen towed me onto the ward. More or less by force,
what I wanted at the moment was a dark hole I never had to come out of again.
Damien was going to kill me. He and Nick would hate me. Nick already hated me
and with good cause. I'd explained all this several times and Allen still
wasn't listening. He seemed to believe I was going to feel better when I'd been
subjected to the ultimate humiliation of having to face them again.
Nick
had oxygen tubes on but otherwise looked fine for someone who tried to commit
suicide half an hour ago. Damien, sitting in his shirtsleeves on the side of
the bed, didn't look any more rattled. The senior policeman, a cup of tea in
his hands, was sitting on the other side of the bed, looking bemused. Damien's
face changed at the sight of us and he would have got up if I hadn't retreated
behind Allen. I admit, despite all previously held convictions and standards, I
was whimpering like a kicked dog and my eyes were swollen to the point where
everything looked fairly blurred. I know, I know. Arrest me now, before I
become a stereotype. :p
Allen
pulled me around him and held on to me, both arms wrapped so I couldn't
actually get away.
"We
came to see how Nick was doing. And to compare stories, Robin's very upset that
he might have caused this."
Damien,
Nick and the policeman gave us equally blank looks.
"You
caused it?" Damien said gently. "Robin?"
"I
was.." I stopped and pulled myself together with a huge effort of will.
Might as well bite the bullet and get this over with. Then Allen might let me
go away and die in peace. "I was picking at him about the oxygen- and I
stood against the sign downstairs so he went into the morgue-"
There
was a moment's silence, probably in respect for my imminent demise. Then Nick
suddenly got up and came to put his arms around me. He's taller than I am, even
if it is like trying to hug a stick insect. Skin, bone and aftershave.
"I
didn't even realise there WAS a sign," he said remorsefully, "I
thought we just ended up in there by accident- and you didn't upset me about
anything- no more than I was fed up already-"
"I
didn't REALISE how upset you were!" I choked out. "If I HAD-"
"Robin,"
Damien said gently, "There was never any question of Nick feeling
suicidal, he ended up on the roof by mistake. He didn't have any intention of
jumping, it's just been a bit of a -"
"Misunderstanding."
The policeman said, chuckling. Nick flushed as he let me go, but kept his eyes
on me.
"I'm
so sorry, I didn't think about how scared you'd be-"
"You
can explain it." Damien said dryly, "It was your fiasco."
"It
wasn't!" Nick protested, sitting back on the bed, still very red faced.
"The security guards saw us in the morgue area, and they CHASED me- so I
went up the fire escape and kept ON going up and they kept ON chasing, and I
was too breathless anyway to explain- and when we got up to the top I went onto
the roof because there was nowhere else go and then they did finally stop and
they left me alone. I was looking for the way down when the place suddenly
exploded with policemen and everyone kept saying stand still, stand still and
don't do anything silly, so I stood still and just hoped to God someone would
go and phone Damien! I never once said anything about jumping!"
"The
fire escape from the morgue corridor is the ONE direct route up to the
roof," the Damien said serenely, "And the ward had notified security
that Nick had gone AWOL for no apparent reason, as he didn't see fit to tell
anyone where he was going. So everyone assumed he'd headed down there
deliberately."
"I
needed to tell you about my phone!" Nick protested to Damien.
The
policeman at that point started to laugh and put his cup and saucer down.
"I
don't think I'm needed here. I'm very glad too, I was afraid this afternoon was
going to have a very grim conclusion. Thankyou for your help sir."
He
shook hands with Damien who got up and went with him to the door of the ward.
Allen took a seat beside the bed, pulled me down into his lap and hugged me,
looking at Nick with bewilderment.
"You
know Damien wasn't at all panicked from the start- he said the whole way here
that you'd have a perfectly good reason."
"He
did." Damien came back to the bed, put both hands around Nick's throat and
shook him gently. Nick squirmed away.
"It
was NOT my fault."
"Yes
well we'll talk about that, amongst other things." Damien said cordially.
"You'll be staggered to know you're NOT being discharged this evening my
lad, they want you under observation tonight- and it's no good you pulling
faces either, that's the least of what you deserve. You're VERY lucky you're
not being charged for wasting police time and resources."
"I
think we'll make a move." Allen said, putting me on my feet. "If
there's anything we can do tomorrow give us a ring."
"Thankyou
for your help. And I'm sorry that you both got frightened out of your
wits." Damien said dryly. Nick gave Allen a grimace and a hug.
"Sorry.
It wasn't intentional, it really wasn't."
"You
take care of yourself." Allen straightened up and waited for me. I
hovered, giving Nick an offhand shrug.
"I'm
sorry you've got to stay another night."
"I'm
REALLY sorry I scared you." Nick said sincerely. He has ridiculously long
lashes for a guy, big brown eyes and an apologetic look that could put Bambi
out of business. He wasn't fooling me for a minute, I could do that look too.
And better. But I did stoop and kiss his cheek, roughly.
"I'm
sorry I was a sod. Take care."
*********************************
Allen
grabbed my hand in the carpark, put his back to the car and rested his hands on
my hips to look at me. Then ran his fingers through my hair, pushing it back
off my face.
"Are
you ok honey?"
I
nodded, eyes still sore but feeling a lot calmer. Allen looked at me for a
minute more, then got up and kissed me. It's not something he often does in
public and it was nice.
"Let's
get a takeaway and a video hmm? I don't feel much like going out. Would you
mind?"
I
shook my head. I used to live in clubs before we met while he was happy at home
with his books and films: we ended up compromising to find some common ground.
The thought of a quiet evening with him actually sounded very nice tonight, I
wanted a cuddle and not much else. I got into the car and Allen slipped the
keys into the ignition, looking across at me.
"What
do you feel like? Chinese, Indian, Italian?"
"I'm
horrible to him." I said honestly. Allen put a hand out and touched my
face, eyes soft. He has the gentlest face.
"No
you're not love."
"I
went on and on at him and you said not to-"
Allen
nodded, not criticising. "Why did you go on at him?"
I
shrugged, looking at my hands. "I don't know. The oxygen's a horrible
idea."
"Because
you feel bad for him about it? Did you ask how he felt about it?"
I
shook my head.
"Did
you tell him you were upset for him about it?"
I
shook my head again. "It never comes out right."
Allen
ran his fingers down my cheek, making me look at him. "You only need
practice honey."
"He's
always going to hate me." I said softly. Allen shook his head.
"No
he won't."
"And
the morgue thing WAS just a joke."
"We'll
talk about that." Allen said comfortingly, starting the car.
"Chinese, Indian or Italian?"
~ The End~
Copyright Ranger 2010
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Most of the artwork on the blog is by Canadian artist Steve Walker.
What's New - July 2021
Rolf and Ranger’s Next Book will be called The Mary Ellen Carter. The Mary Ellen Carter and other works in progress can be read at either the Falls Chance Ranch Discussion Group or the Falls Chance Forum before they are posted here at the blog. So come and talk to the authors and be a part of a work in progress.
2 comments:
Todas las historias son geniales
Just curious if I'm the only one who doesn't like Robin?
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