Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Soap





SOAP







HI, I'M GIZMO.

YEAH, SO 
CAM IS GOOD AT A LOT OF THINGS, BUT NAMES AREN'T ONE OF THEM.  HUMANS, WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT?

WHAT I DIDN'T EXPECT WAS JOSHUA.  I HAD BEEN 
CAM'S WORLD.  NOW WE SHARE IT WITH A WHINING, POUTING, UTTERLY UNDISCIPLINED BOY.  I KEEP TRYING TO TELL CAM WE NEED TO RETURN HIM TO THE SHELTER  FROM WHERE HE CAME. SOME PEOPLE MIGHT LIKE THOSE POUTING LIPS,  AND HE'S HOUSETRAINED - MORE THAN CAN BE SAID FOR THE OTHERS I  MET AT THE SHELTER.  WE'RE BOTH TRYING TO TRAIN HIM, BUT LET ME TELL YOU, JOSH IS STUBBORN.




"I'm boooooorrrrrrreeeeeeeddddd," Joshua whined from his spot on the floor where he'd been for less than five minutes.

Cameron turned from the computer and held out his hand for Josh, who rolled to his feet and slid into the open lap with grace and speed, almost like a cat.

"Sweetheart," Cameron began, brushing the ever present loose hair from Joshua's face.  "I have to finish this design today.  It won't take me near as long if you find something else to do.  Isn't there a video you'd like to watch?"

"No," Joshua said, somewhat sullenly.

"You could always get those weeds out of -"

"No way.  No matter HOW bored I am, I'm never bored enough to do that."

"How about one of the jigsaw puzzles we have in the closet?  You always love those, and if you get one started I WILL be down to help you with it before you know."

"I suppose," Josh said, sliding from 
Cam's lap.

"Why don't you pop some popcorn for us, I'm getting a little hungry."

"All right," Josh replied, walking out of the office and downstairs.  He put a bag of popcorn into the microwave and retrieved it three minutes later.  He poured about a quarter of it out into a bowl and grabbed a bottle of water to carry up to 
Cam .

"Why aren't you working?" Josh said as he stepped into the room and found Gizmo on 
Cam's lap.

"Gizmo needed a hug," 
Cam replied as he accepted the popcorn and water from his lover.

"Gizmo needed a hug," Josh mimicked on the way back out after shooting a steaming glare at the aforementioned cat.


SEE, THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.  CAM + LAP = GIZMO   THAT BOY STILL DOESN'T GET IT.



Josh went downstairs, just short of sounding like a herd of cattle and pulled a puzzle out of the closet.  Working them was a passion he shared with 
Cam , but doing one because Cam was busy hugging on Gizmo made it a little less fun.

He turned on MTV and settled down with the popcorn and a can of Coke, dumping the puzzle out on the card table he had set up in front of the TV.  The popcorn disappeared faster than puzzle pieces got straightened. Once the popcorn was gone, Josh was able to concentrate more on what he was doing.

The current puzzle was a picture of the waterfront in 
Italy
.  There were rows of buildings in the background, with the requisite solid, one color blue sky.  There were several boats in the foreground with a road in between.  It wasn't going to be one of the very hard ones.

Josh finished turning all the pieces over, while collecting the outside ones.  He had the frame finished within a half hour of starting on it, minus one piece.  Stretching, Joshua got up to see about a refill on his drink.

"Hey, hon.  Nice start on the puzzle," 
Cam said, kissing the side of Josh's neck.

Josh stretched to give 
Cam more neck and was rewarded with more attention there.  He was just turning around to give Cam his full attention when he spotted Gizmo on the floor with intent to jump on the puzzle table.



WAIT RIGHT THERE.  
CAM SAID IT WAS A GOOD START; I JUST WANTED TO  SEE FOR MYSELF.  SOME OF US AREN'T GIANTS YOU KNOW.  AND THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN * JUST * FINE IF someone HADN'T YELLED AND THROWN  OFF MY TIMING ALTOGETHER.



"Nooooooooooooooo!" Josh burst out, stepping towards the table as Gizmo landed in a very undignified heap on the corner of the table.  He scattered pieces in all directions when Josh ran towards him, barely making it off the table and up the stairs without getting caught.

"You stupid fucking cat!" Josh screamed, following Gizmo up the stairs and cursing with every step before a voice at the bottom broke through his anger.

"Joshua Edward Cunningham.  LEAVE the cat alone and get your butt down here THIS instant."

"But he -"

"
NOW ."

Joshua shut up and insolently descended the stairs, intending to stop on the first or second so he'd be a little taller than 
Cam .  No dice. Cameron clicked his fingers and pointed in front of him.  Joshua stepped down, still fairly snarling.

"Do we use language like that in this house?" 
Cam asked conversationally.

Joshua knew he was sunk, but he couldn't give up that easily.  "Schizmo ruined my puzzle!  He's not even allowed on the table," he tried, not able to meet 
Cam 's steady gaze.  The long silence that remark earned made his stomach clench, as he knew when he looked up that Cam would have that disapproving look on his face.  He did.

"No, sir," he finally capitulated, knowing that he was only drawing out the torture.

"No, we don't," Cameron agreed.  "Gizmo doesn't do those things on purpose.



I'VE 
GOT HIM *SO* TRAINED, THOUGH AS I SAID BEFORE THIS TIME IT WAS JOSHUA'S FAULT.



nor does he quite understand English."



WOULDN'T THEY BE SURPRISED?



"I agree that it's a shame that Gizmo wiped out some of the puzzle, but that's life with cats.  It's easily fixed, and no reason to curse."

Joshua stood through the short lecture, looking at his feet, his stance radiating I'm Not Listening To You.

"All right, young man.  Into the bathroom, please."

That snapped Josh's head up quick.  "It wasn't that bad!"

"Cursing is not acceptable.  You well know that, as well as what cursing earns you. Into the bathroom now before you earn yourself a spanking," 
Cam said sternly.

Josh waited a moment, trying to gauge 
Cam 's resolve.  As usual, he came up realizing he didn't doubt Cam at all and walked into the bathroom, mood changing from one of combative to one of supplication.  He turned when Cam walked in.  "Please, I don't need the soap.  I won't curse again."

"I'm glad to hear that, but it doesn't change what you said earlier," 
Cam said, pulling out a new bar of soap and lathering it in the sink. "Have a seat."

"Please -"

"Sit down."

Josh sank down on the toilet lid and enjoyed swallowing the taste of nothing before 
Cam was in front of him with the bar.  "Open."  Josh's eyes opened wide and took on the look of a puppy.



DUMB DOGS.



"Open," 
Cam repeated, then inserted the bar when Josh did so.

After washing off his hands, he crossed his arms and looked at his lover.  "I know you and Gizmo aren't the best of friends.


TALK ABOUT UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR...



You've just got to learn restraint.  Maybe if you hadn't yelled to begin with, Gizmo might have left your puzzle in one piece. Regardless, you'd better learn to choose better words when you address him if you don't want to buy stock in a soap company.  Got it?"

Josh nodded miserably.

"I'll be back in a few minutes.  Leave the soap alone if you know what's good for you."
Cam went out into the living room and picked up the puzzle pieces, quickly able to piece it back together again.  As he gave the soap time to work, he found the last of the edge pieces and put it in.  Looking at the clock, he decided to rescue his brat.

"All right, you can spit," 
Cam said, stopping in the entrance to the bathroom.

Josh was at the sink, spitting furiously a split second later.  He took the glass that Cameron held for him and used that to rinse as best he could.

"I think that's enough," 
Cam said, taking the glass back.

Josh spit twice more and stood up, wiping his mouth off with a couple of tissues.  He would have glared at 
Cam but knew that might - would - only cause him to end up in more trouble.

"Are we finished with the cursing?"

"Yes, sir," Josh said quietly.

"Good.  Get the sink cleaned up and then get started on a salad for dinner."  
Cam headed back up the stairs, passing Gizmo on the way back down now that the fireworks were finished.  It said a lot that Cam left Josh in the bathroom, knowing he could spit and rinse more if he wanted.

Josh picked up the soap and washed it off, wrinkling his face in the mirror at the thought of dinner.  He saw a reflection in the mirror - a cat shaped reflection.  "AAAhhhhh.  It's your fault, Schizmo, that I'm tasting soap.  I think fair is fair.  Hey Gizmo.....didn't mean to yell  
at you earlier," Josh said, walking over to pet the cat.  Gizmo stood up  and was rewarded with a wet, soapy hand wrapped around his tail.  "Try that Schizmo," Josh said, walking back into the bathroom with no  small sense of satisfaction.

Gizmo flicked his tail, knowing it was wet and hating that it felt different.  He sat down and wrapped the tail around his feet and took one lick on it before trying to spit it out.



WATCH THIS.



He took one look at Josh, then headed straight for the stairs.  He climbed them quickly but carefully, not wanting his tail to hit anything else on the way up.  When he got to the office he carefully timed his jump to the desk, flicking his tail quickly across the monitor.

"Gizzie!" Cameron yelled, picking up his cat.  "If you hit that computer and I lose my information I'd be just a little upset.  Hey, what's on your tail? What have you gotten into?" Cameron wiped the tail and smelled his hand.  "Soap.  Were you........" Cameron set Gizmo on the floor and headed out the door.

"Joshua......I have a question for you......"



SO I 
DON'T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH, HMMMM? ONE PIECE OF ADVICE, JOSH?  IF YOU  CAN'T RUN WITH THE BIG CATS....STAY OUT OF THE CATBOX.   


Josh ran into the kitchen and started to take things out of the refrigerator for the salad, hoping that 
Cam wasn't coming down because of Gizmo.  No doubt that the cat would tell on him.

"Josh, Gizmo's tail is wet and soapy.  Do you know anything about that?"

"I don't keep track of your cat," Josh said as he pulled out a tomato for the salad.

"Corner, please," 
Cam replied calmly.   

"What? Why-"

"Corner, now.  You'll have plenty of time to work out why you're there. Go on," 
Cam said, waiting.   

Josh sighed and put the tomato on the counter, letting the door swing shut behind him.  He KNEW he should have waited for revenge when 
Cam  wasn't around.


JUST A LITTLE LATE THERE, BUD.  HAVING A SHORT BUS KIND OF DAY?  


Finding the spot where he left off his last detailed inspection, Josh settled down to wait, hopefully for not too long.  He would have kicked his foot out backwards if he could have seen Gizmo parading around behind him.



YOU 
SEE? IF HE'S GOT TO BE IN THE HOUSE, THIS IS THE BEST PLACE. SAFE AND SNUG IN HIS OWN LITTLE CORNER .  WHERE HE MOST DEFINITELY BELONGS.    NO ONE SOILS THE CAT. CAM IS ALL MINE; HE LOVES THE CAT BEST.  EVERYBODY LOVES THE CAT.   



Once Gizmo was finished talking to Josh, he turned and walked over to 
Cam, chirruping a friendly hello.  

"Come here, Giz," 
Cam said as he picked up his cat and headed into the Cam said as he  picked up his cat and headed into the living room so as not to bother Josh.  He settled into  the recliner and settled Gizmo across his lap.

"I would almost swear you were telling Josh off...." 
Cam said absently as he scratched behind
Gizmo's ears.


NATURALLY. SO STOP TALKING AND PET THE CAT. IGNORE THE BRAT, PET THE CAT, YOU LOVE me BEST, YOU KNOW YOU DO, SO PET THE CAT.

WE'LL LET THE BRAT WAIT IT OUT.

Copyright Rolf 2010

1 comment:

Rayne Thackery said...

If only I could get my cat to stand in a corner...

Most of the artwork on the blog is by Canadian artist Steve Walker.

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