Deep Impact Story Discussion

We don't know if this is of any interest to you- but we had it and we thought it might be worth seeing if it was something anyone might enjoy reading. This is some of the background discussions that go took place while Deep Impact was being written, that shows how we worked out some of the themes that we did and made the decisions that we did. It's something we're only going to put up here on the list, so please let us know if this is something you'd like to see more of!

Rolf and Ranger

How it all started.....

Ranger says:  is damien coming across as too bullying or mean? or talking too much?

Rolf says:  i don't think so. i'm not 100% sure that it's the best way to get nick's attention.....

Rolf says:  i know what damien is trying to do. get nick to realize that it wasn't his fault. and damien can't let nick go on thinking it is, because that will be very bad for him

Ranger says:  what makes you think it's not the best way to handle it?

Rolf says:  i can see nick struggling to tell the truth, i can believe him trying to stick to his point until damien gets through to him. But there IS that possibility that he'd cave and NOT believe, just to get it over with

Rolf says:  you'd make the point that he didn't by the time you finish, but at this point without it being done, i question whether nick will stick to his guns or cave to kill the pressure

Rolf says:  you can feel the pressure right now on him

Ranger says:  hmm. I see your point. There IS method in the madness- the idea is supposed to be the up front pressure Damien's putting on him to deal with this and get it out of his system- if he cries or yells he's at least getting it out. And also that he's so guilty about it it's going to feel afterwards to him like a very intense, serious punishment without needing to be much of a spanking at all. Does that

Ranger says:  make any kind of sense or sound like working?

Rolf says:  yes, it does. in the middle of it, it's just intense pressure and he CAN cave. but by the end, he won't have, and damien will have made a serious point without having to drag the cane into it

Ranger says:  Yes... I think too his basic honesty wouldn't let him just surrender to get it over with. Kier might do, but Nick's been in this relationship a long time? maybe that's naiive What I wanted to focus on was Damien making a seriously difficult scene that Nick would read as very severe and would deal with the guilt, without it actually being an at all severe punishment. That's the aim.

Rolf says:  i think he's been in it long enough, and he IS stubborn enough that if he truly believes he's guilty, he'll keep thinking that no matter what damien throws at him

Ranger says:  maybe.... what would you think would happen if he did that?

Rolf says:  if he caved just to get the spanking over with?

Ranger says:  yes

Rolf says:  as soon as he started feeling physically better, his mental status would decline. Because he would have time to review the situation and would know damien thought him not responsible.

Ranger says:  how do you mean? can you talk me through that?

Rolf says:  he IS honest.

Rolf says:  when he's getting ready to be spanked, the only thing he knows at hat point is that it's not the cane. but a spanking by hand can be just as bad or worse, depending on damien

Rolf says:  so he's panicked about the whole thing. he does want it over with, the dreading is always worse than what actually happens, since you never actually die.

Rolf says:  but you picture that happening a lot

Rolf says:  when all that stress is removed and he thinks back on it, he'll realize what point damien was trying to get across the whole time, and that nick wasn't honest with himself or damien, because he does still think he's guilty, but damien thinks that nick thinks he isn't

Rolf says:  because he'll know the spanking didn't happen until damien knew (thought) he made the point that nick wasn't responsible

Ranger says:  so what do you think would happen once he started to think about not having been honest just to get the spanking over with?

Rolf says:  that he's not worthy of damien's praise or love or whatever. Not THAT serious, but it would be hard to accept compliments or whatever, when you feel guilty

Rolf says:  he would probably try to prove the point he wasn't worthy

Ranger says:  how might he do that?

Rolf says:  or think that a spanking by itself wasn't enough punishment, so maybe he'll punish himself.

Rolf says:  maybe not drive anywhere other than work, take pleasure in doing anything, ground himself or whatever

Ranger says:  THAT is very interesting......

Ranger says:  that has a lot of potential

Rolf says:  lol

Rolf says:  this was going to be a short and simple story?

Ranger says:  yep. LOL

And that went to.......

Ranger says:  where would you start from? do you want to have a read through that last section and see where you start to peel away from it?

Rolf says:  i'm not sure where. damien stops swatting and it gets a little less intense when he does that

Rolf says:  giving nick time to talk.

Ranger says:  ok - so where would you change it? Keep Damien putting the pressure on?

Rolf says:  that might be what would cause it.

Rolf says:  the sharp swats would be constant reminders of what a lot of swats  can lead to

Ranger says:  want to pick a point and carry on from there a little? I'll just finish off this version and we can carry on with the alternate!

Rolf says:  ok

Ranger says:  from the other perspective, you're watching and listening and concentrating on moving to the reaction you're looking for- judging how to step the pressure up or down

Rolf says:  which is very different from being on the other side, where you want to move from step a to step b at a fast clip

Ranger says:  and how fast you need to move it depends a lot on the situation- you  have a goal in mind which probably ISN'T just getting the spanking done and over with, it's about getting the other person to the right place and mindset

Rolf says:  yes. i guess all in all it wouldn't work if it was always, 'i do this, i get spanked' because sometimes you can overlook the pain. but i'ts really hard to overlook how talking about it makes you feel, being faced with it, and the entire process of getting to it

Ranger says: yes. And you're never in the same mood or state- as in this case by the time Damien actually gets to the spanking Nick's going to be so upset and emotionally open that it's not going to take very much at all - where as in another mood it might take a long time to get to the point where he accepted and you got to the point of penitence

Rolf says: yes  And that led to as we were writing .....*can you answer that or do we both need to? I don't want to hijack this, just we need to be absolutely sure on the bottom line to get the next bit right

Rolf says:  i don't know. lol

Ranger says:  What Damien/I'm trying to get him to admit is that he WANTED to feel guilty, he was determined that he was right. It was not wanting to listen and wilfully preventing himself from having to listen that he's in trouble for - not feeling guilty. It's feeling that way, hiding it and protecting it because he doesn't WANT it challenged that was wrong.

Rolf says:  What was my reasoning? My reasoning was that I was right and I wanted to be right no matter what. I did something stupid and felt guilty, so to protect that I quit listening to Damien. I quit listening and didn't talk to him. My stomach did one of it's slow flips as I fully realised exactly how much trouble I'd just made for myself, even more than if I had actually caused the accident.

and later.....

Ranger says:  "Are we done now?"

Rolf says:  **does he say yes? lol

Ranger says:  LOL I don't know, what do you think?

Ranger says:  I think by this point he'd be feeling fairly passionate about it

Rolf says:  "YES, we're finished!" I sobbed out heartfully, hoping Damien felt the same way. I didn't think I could handle another swat, no matter where it was placed. It took a long time before I could catch my breath. The immediate burn stopped within a few minutes of the last paddle swat, but the throbbing was going to go on for a long time.

Ranger says: Damien replaced the paddle in the drawer and closed it, and his hand once more rested on my back, keeping me firmly where I was.

And....

Ranger says:  Grrr, going to have to jiggle the above speech to get this, it should have gone here instead.

Ranger says:  "I don't expect this to happen again Nick."

Ranger says:  no, still not right. What does he need to say here?

Rolf says:  i'm not sure. maybe reiterate again that its over with and that damien expects to be told if its not?

Ranger says:  exactly, thankyou

Ranger says:  "This is over with Nick, and it's been adequately dealt with. If you have any doubts regarding that, whether they're now, or tonight or some time next week, I expect to be told." Do you think he'd need to check again that Nick wasn't confusing this with the accident? Or is that done and dusted?

Rolf says:  i think he could tell the two apart, and damien would know that. Its pretty clear this was for lying about it

Ranger says:  ok.

Rolf says:  I think I answered Damien as I found myself in an undignified heap at his feet, face buried in his lap and arms wrapped tightly around his waist. I could feel his hands on my shoulders and felt more than heard his voice above me.

Ranger says:  "Allright. It's allright, shhhh."

And so....... one story.