Apologies for the unsolicited mail- my partner asked me to contact you. D592- I believe you've been chatting to him on the DD1 list? I have no wish at all to interfere, but my partner said you were in the traumatic stages and might find a sympathetic ear useful. If not, please feel free to ignore this mail.
We've been together for nearly five years, and in a discipline relationship from more or less the beginning. I came into the relationship with some experience but believe me, the early stages aren't easy for anyone. I seem to remember spending the first month ticking between wanting to wring my partner's neck and wondering what on earth it was I was trying to do in the first place. Things do however settle down in time, and once they do, the benefits start to become apparent. I live with a man who I know wouldn't find it easy to be happy or settled or even that safe without the structure we keep on a day to day basis, quite apart from the fact we'd never find the kitchen for the washing up, or have any clean clothes in the house. At the end of the day this is always people driven, not system driven.
If I can help at all, as someone to let off steam to, or just to chat, please feel free to contact me.
Subject: Re: Hello
Thankyou for your mail. Your partner was a great help to me in offering straightforward and extremely practical advice, which I've been struggling to follow ever since. We've been together seven months and trying to start a discipline relationship for almost a month, with varying success. At the moment either we seemed to be locked in combat or Adam in tears, with no stages in between.
The whole situation has been complicated by my partner being unwell at the moment, which affects his moods and his confidence. He isn't able to work at the moment which he finds very frustrating, and which I really can't blame him for. I've got a very small range of strategies I can use at the moment which give me the feeling that I have a handle on the situation and things go well, but I get out of my depth very fast. In some ways I keep feeling I'm using a sledgehammer to crack a nut, when there have to be simpler, less extreme ways to rein things in.
If you have any advice or experience you can offer I would be more than grateful. With Adam this fragile at the moment it seems less than fair he has to put up with my mistakes while I try to learn.